


Stevie in the Middle

by CaptainSteeb



Series: Steve and Bucky Try To Function [11]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bucky is tired, Domestic Avengers, F/M, Gen, Grumpy Bucky Barnes, Humor, M/M, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson Friendship, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century, They all live in the Tower
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:54:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25472725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainSteeb/pseuds/CaptainSteeb
Summary: Steve Rogers is beautiful, brave, kind, and smart.He's also a handful of big blond trouble. Sam and Bucky have to foist Steve on one another sometimes when he gets to be too much, and it turns into an all-out war. Steve, of course, remains completely oblivious.----“Hey, Sam!” Steve beamed at him. He was wearing an extremely tight 'World’s Okayest Catholic' t-shirt, a pair of tiny blue running shorts, and the Nikes Sam had recently bought for him. “Let’s go for a run!”“No,” Sam said, and closed the door right in Captain America’s big, dumb, beautiful face.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson
Series: Steve and Bucky Try To Function [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1765621
Comments: 36
Kudos: 206





	1. 4:32 AM

Sam Wilson loved Steve Rogers very, very much.

It hadn’t taken long for Sam to figure out who the bouncy blond guy lapping him around the Reflection Pool was, and he’d done his best to keep it together because _was Captain America teasing him_? It seemed surreal to Sam, who had just been getting ready for another predictable day at the VA, for an honest-to-God bonafide superhero to be talking to him.

He’d been utterly charmed by his first conversation with Steve; if he hadn’t been straight he would have fallen in love with him right then and there. He’d jumped right into Steve’s chaos just like jumping out of an airplane, and it was a wild ride all the way down.

Now that everyone was settled into their little clubhouse and that asshole Barnes had reappeared, Sam began to realize something now that he was out of his Steve-honeymoon phase:

Being friends with Steve Rogers was a major pain in the ass.

_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK_

Sam groaned, looking at the clock with blurry eyes. 4:32 AM. Who the hell was pounding on his door at 4:32 in the morning on a Saturday?

“No,” he said in the general direction of his living room, hauling his ass out of bed with a grunt. “No,” he repeated, pulling on a pair of boxers and a tank top. “No,” he said a final time, dragging his feet out of his warm, cozy bedroom, down the hall, and over to his door.

“Hey, Sam!” Steve beamed at him. He was wearing an extremely tight _World’s Okayest Catholic_ t-shirt, a pair of tiny running shorts, and the Nikes Sam had recently bought for him. “Let’s go for a run!”

“No,” Sam said, and closed the door right in Captain America’s big, dumb, beautiful face.

——

Three hours later, after Sam woke up for the second time, he went about his morning routine and pondered going out to grab a donut when he saw a shadow in his periphery and skidded to a halt.

“Jesus Christ, Barnes!”

The man was lurking over near Sam’s coffee maker, dressed in all black as usual, looking irritated and flushed. “Wilson.”

“Can you,” Sam said helplessly, waving his arms toward Barnes, “ _not_ sneak into my place at eight in the morning?! What is it with you two?”

Barnes was impassive. “I need you to always go on a run with Steve in the mornings,” he said.

“What?” Sam pulled a carton of apple juice out of his fridge and took a swig. “No. Not at 4:32 in the morning, man, I don’t have any obligation to do that shit.”

“It’s his new routine. He wants to go before church,” Barnes slid into a perfect imitation of Steve’s Captain America voice, “ _cause it gets the blood pumping, Buck!_ And when you don’t run with him,” Barnes ground out, teeth clenched, “he makes _me_ go.”

“That’s not my problem,” Sam shrugged. “I’m not his husband.”

“I don’t like running. It’s fuckin’ tedious and useless. I want to sleep in til ten, eat a bagel, fuck around on Twitter, then go back to sleep til five.”

“Again,” Sam said, taking another drink of juice, “not my problem. Tell him not to wake my ass up at the witching hour and I’ll go with him.”

Barnes huffed, metal arm whirring and clicking, and Sam rolled his eyes. He’d stopped being scared of Barnes months ago when he’d caught the other man crying at the end of _Homeward Bound_.

“…It makes him sad,” Barnes added.

Dammit. Sam pursed his lips and frowned at the floor. Barnes had waited to drop that bomb, knew that Sam couldn’t stand that kicked-puppy look Steve got on his face when he was upset. Was Barnes telling the truth, though? Probably not. Sam decided to call his bluff.

“Yeah, right,” Sam scoffed.

Barnes casually leaned a hip against Sam’s counter and examined his nails. “He was real excited for you to run with him today,” he said. “Came back to me all sad, said you slammed the door in his face, rejected him.” He sighed mournfully. “Poor thing always used to get rejected all the time when we were kids. They’d call him names, pick on him. I was the only one who would ever play with him, you know. My poor sweet thing, he always wanted to have more friends.”

Sam ground his teeth together.

“It’s alright,” Barnes said with another sigh, “I’ll go tell him.”

“No, wait.” Sam held out a hand. “Just…Ugh.”

Barnes quirked a brow at him.

“Fine—you know what—fine. Tell him 5AM, no earlier or else I slam the door in his face again. You got that?”

“Got it.” Expression neutral, Barnes snatched Sam’s apple juice out of his hand and sauntered toward the window, climbing out of it and disappearing.

Sam let out a little frustrated noise. His mama would be so ashamed at the way he’d just been played.

——

“Hey, Sam!”

It was 5:00 AM exactly when Steve appeared at his door the next morning. Sam finished tying his running shoes and grinned tiredly over at his doorway where Steve was standing.

“Hey, man.” Sam tightened the drawstring on his pants and slid his Stark Fitness Band onto his wrist.“Sorry I upset you yesterday. We can go running every morning, alright? I can go to sleep a little earlier, it’s no big deal.”

“Oh, no,” Steve said with a big smile, “I wasn’t upset at all; Buck came with me. It’s great that you can get up a little earlier, though, Sam. I appreciate it!” He turned and bounced his way down the hall toward the emergency exit. “How about we do a couple stories on the stairs as a warm up?” And with that, he opened the door, launched himself into the stairwell, and began sprinting up toward the top floor of the Tower.

Sam blinked very, very slowly.

Oh. Oh, _Barnes_. This was war.


	2. My Kingdom for a Bagel

Bucky was awoken by his husband at four in the morning, with Steve shifting around and shoving his big nose into Bucky’s hair. He grunted and wriggled his hips.

“Nah,” Bucky said as Steve’s cock poked at his ass, “nah. Stop it. Sleep.”

“Smell good,” Steve said, poking his nose at Bucky’s neck. “C’mon, let’s go.”

“No. Sleep. Stop sniffin’ my hair.”

“ _Smells_ _good, though_.”

“Because I have quality hair products and not that cheap all-in-one shit like you got.”

“Aw, Buck.” Steve withdrew with a wounded noise. “Baby. Can we at least go on a run?”

“Hell no!” Bucky flung his right arm back and lightly smacked Steve’s side. “Go get Sam. Stop at _Four Stooges_ on the way back and get me a bagel with lox.”

 _Four Stooges_ was a popular bagel shop located a block away from Stark Tower, owned by Bucky and run by four of his nieces and nephews who used an old family recipe. Steve was regularly sent there on errands and was always able to cut to the front of the long line.

“Sam didn’t seem too keen on runnin’ with me yesterday.”

Bucky groaned and stretched from fingertips to toes, then went limp and grumbled at Steve again. “He said he’s real excited to go on runs with you now, so long as you don’t go earlier than five in the morning.”

“Oh, swell!”

Bucky grunted when Steve launched himself out of bed toward the closet. “Ugh, Stevie. You’re annoying.”

“Yep!” Steve ducked into the closet and shuffled around.

“Get outta here,” Bucky said as Steve hopped into his shoes and stumbled toward the bedroom door. “Don’t forget my bagel. Love you, baby.”

“Love you more, asshole!” Steve said brightly, disappearing out the door in a flash.

Ugh. Bucky rolled onto his stomach and buried his face in Steve’s pillow, inhaling his scent. The serum had enhanced everything, including how fucking irritating Steve could be. Sluggishly, he grabbed his phone and turned the sound on in case Steve needed to get a hold of him, then sent a text to Sam:

 _4:57 AM:_ Have fun birdbrain LOL ✌️

Satisfied, he burrowed back under the covers and went back to sleep.

——

_Beep beep._

Bucky let out a long groan, slurped up his drool, and groped around for his Stark Phone. He smoothed his hand around his sheets and when he didn’t find it, he jerked around and started flailing with his blankets. The phone still didn’t make itself known and he flopped around like a fish, shoving his hand down the back of his mattress and down the sides of his bed, before he felt an odd heat against his hip and realized that his phone had plastered itself against his sweaty skin.

“Fuck me,” Bucky muttered, rubbing the sweat off his phone onto Steve’s pillow and opening his text messages. All of them were from Sam:

 _From: Bird 5:01 AM_ Hey Barnes SCREW YOU thanks for dumping Cap on me you know I can’t say no to him why is he like this

 _From: Bird 5:03 AM_ I don’t even get any booty out of this. I’m straight but he’s so

 _From: Bird 5:59 AM_ he’s such an airhead does he realize he leaves me in the dust

 _From: Bird 6:12 AM_ does he KNOW not everyone gets to cut in line at 4 stooge I just looked like an ass screw you and your bagel. your nephew saw me and gave me a bagel for free but I still looked like a douche everyone in line started yelling at me

 _From: Bird 6:38 AM_ we’re headed back and he wants to have a sparring session I can’t deal with him why is he like this???

 _From: Bird 6:39 AM_ He keeps trying to slyly set me up with Sharon. she and I are ALREADY GOING OUT help me he’s so oblivious

 _From: Bird 6:41 AM_ ok I got him to spar with Thor instead.

 _From: Bird 6:58 AM_ we’re in the communal kitchen come get your bagel jackass he looks like a kicked puppy he misses you

Bucky stretched again and rolled out of bed, forgoing a shower to get down to the kitchen before someone else commandeered his bagel. He pulled on a dirty pair of Steve’s sweatpants and a _Black Widow_ t-shirt, shoved his feet into Steve’s slippers, and slung his hair back into a sloppy bun. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror on the way out and shrugged at his reflection.

“Greetings!”

Bucky nodded at Thor and stepped into the elevator with a sigh. Thor pulled out a flask of his caustic Asgardian liquor and thrust it at him.

“Care you for the hair of the bear?”

“Hair of the dog,” Bucky corrected with another sigh, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back against the glass wall of the elevator. “And no thanks. I’m not hungover; I’m just a piece of shit.”

“Aye!” Thor took a swig of the liquor and reattached the flask to his leather belt. “Steve called upon me to spar! Do you wish to join us?”

Bucky covered his face with his metal hand. He sure as shit did _not_ want to spar Thor, the thousand year old demigod who had “sparred” with Natasha last month and accidentally sent her flying off the roof. Thor had flown out and caught her, but no one except Steve had volunteered to spar with him since.

“I’m alright, big guy,” Bucky said. “Don’t wanna get my ass handed to me today.” Sparring with both Thor _and_ Steve sounded like a living hell: Thor had centuries of experience behind him and Steve was known as the world’s best hand-to-hand combatant for a reason.

“Ha! Fair enough!” Thor boomed as the elevator doors opened to the common floor. Bucky hastily made his way over to the kitchen.

“Bucky!” Steve bounced over to him and pulled him into a big, hot, sweaty hug.

Bucky huffed and leaned into the embrace.

“You stink. Have a good run?”

“You stink too. I missed you! My Buck.”

Bucky hooked his chin over Steve’s shoulder. Steve, the poor thing, missed Bucky whenever they were parted for more than ten minutes at a time. Bucky’s shrink said it was unhealthy and codependent but what the hell did she know? She had three Ph.D’s but she hadn’t lived through Bucky and Steve’s spectacular amount of bullshit.

Bucky patted Steve’s back. “Baby.”

“Buck.” It took a couple minutes but Steve finally let Bucky free to snoop around for his bagel. He hovered over the almost empty box on the kitchen counter.

“Where’s mine, sweetheart?”

“Hm?” Steve rumbled, plastering his big damp furnace of a body up against Bucky’s back. He shoved his nose into Bucky’s hair.

“Get that big schnoz out of my hair. Where’s my bagel?”

“It’s there. Got it for you special.”

“You sure, sweetie? Don’t see it.” Bucky poked around in the box, scowling, and looked up when he heard an exaggerated “ _Mmm_ ” in front of him. Sure enough, Sam was finishing off _his bagel_ with a big smirk on his face.

“Oh. You asshole,” Bucky hissed.

“Sorry,” Sam smirked, popping the last bite into his mouth, “thought you weren’t coming. Didn’t want the fish to sit out and go bad.”

“ _Asshole_ ,” Bucky repeated.

“Buck, Thor and me are havin’ a sparring session,” Steve said eagerly, either ignoring or oblivious to the conflict happening before him. “Will you come?”

“Stevie, honey, no.”

“I look forward to it!” Thor boomed. He’d raided the fridge and was chomping on a turkey leg like the barbarian he was. “You are a worthy—” He was cut off by his phone vibrating. He snatched it out of his belt and looked down at it. “Oh. ‘Tis my nephew.”

How Thor’s nephew, a giant black snake who lived in the rooftop pool, managed to operate a phone was beyond Bucky. He hated this century.

“He wishes to spend the day with his uncle!” Thor proclaimed. “We must finish the Transformers cartoon! Steve, I will not be able to spar with you this day.”

As far as Bucky could figure, the snake ( _Jor-gu-mand? Jor-mu-gand?_ ) had the mentality of a seven-year-old boy. His current obsession was Transformers; Tony had even designed a few snake-friendly action figures for the creature. Bucky, who was currently taking some online GED courses, had read up on Norse mythology and had informed Thor that the snake was one day prophesied to kill him. Thor had smiled widely and acknowledged the information with a shrug, saying that the snake had killed him infinite times in past lives.

Sometimes Bucky really, _really_ didn’t like the mindfuck that was talking to Thor.

“You may join us!” Thor said, beaming at Steve, who shrunk away from Bucky and shook his head rapidly.

“No. No, it’s fine. You go have fun,” Steve stammered. “Go have fun.”

Steve wasn’t scared of much. Hell, just a few days ago he’d launched himself off a fifty-story building onto the back of a giant moth and decapitated the creature with his shield. But the one thing he couldn’t handle was snakes. He did everything in his power to avoid the rooftop pool.

Bucky didn’t mind the snake: It was better than a goddamned clown. There was some nut dressed up in a clown costume terrorizing the city, jabbing pencils into people’s eyes, and the Avengers still hadn’t caught him yet. That knucklehead who cosplayed as a bat was always chasing after him but never caught him either, the useless bastard.

“Very well!” Thor snatched a raw chicken out of the fridge, grabbed the two remaining bagels out of the box, and headed toward the elevator. Bucky groaned and slumped down on the counter.

“I _own_ that bagel shop.”

Sam snickered.

“Well, gee.” Bucky couldn’t see Steve, but he knew his husband was doing the whole hunching-down-kicked-puppy thing. “There goes my sparring partner. Sam, you wanna spar?”

 _Please say yes._ Bucky lifted himself up from the counter and looked at Sam with wide, pleading eyes. _You ate my bagel. Please say yes._

“Sorry, man,” Sam said tragically. “I’m meeting up with Sharon for a movie.”

“She’s single, you know,” Steve said, even more tragically. Bucky’s sweetheart was so oblivious.

Sam blinked at Steve a few times. “I—You know what? Never mind. I’ll see you later, big guy. Pizza night?”

“Okay, Sammy.” Steve smiled and waved as Sam walked around Bucky toward the elevator. Bucky glared at Sam but only received a grin in response.

Steve started bouncing again. “Buck, let’s go spar!”

Bucky couldn’t say no to those big blue eyes. He sighed and resigned himself to getting his ass kicked for the next few hours.

All of this and he hadn’t even gotten a bagel. Sam would regret it.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are appreciated!


End file.
